I am a Dad of 4 wonderful kids. Right now, I have two daughters (6 years old and 8 months old) and two sons (4 years old and 2 years old). However, recently I’ve been challenging myself with the question of whether or not I am a Father.
What does it mean to be a Father? As the blog description states, and many people have said over the years, any old fool can become a Dad. Kids have become Dads. It takes nothing special. In fact, most of the time, it’s that lack of something special (self control, respect, foresightedness) that results in a boy or man becoming a Dad. We can quickly come up with hundreds upon thousands of examples of retarded Dads. Many of us probably remember the infamous Dad that hung his baby out over a balcony just so the crowds could see him. We have insensitive Dads, dead beat Dads, abusive Dads, and the list goes on and on.
So being a Dad doesn’t take anything special. But being a Father does. And I want to start digging into what makes the difference between being a Dad and actually becoming a Father. I want to learn what it takes. Many of these lessons I do understand will come from experience, and living life the best I can. I will make mistakes (I’ve been a Dad for 6 years, and I already have 6 years full of mistakes). But I don’t want to be that Dad at the end of his life looking back and regretting that I didn’t spend enough time with my kids. I listened to a great song the other day and it honestly scared me! It’s a song by Harry Chapin called Cats In The Cradle. Here are some of the lyrics if you’re unfamiliar with it.
My child arrived just the other day, he came to the world in the usual way. But there were planes to catch and bills to pay. He learned to walk while I was away, and he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew he’d say “I’m gonna be like you, Dad, you know I’m gonna be like you.”
My son turned ten just the other day. He said “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play. Can you teach me to throw?” I said “Not today, I got a lot to do”, he said “That’s OK” and he walked away but his smile never dimmed and said “I’m gonna be like him, yeah, you know I’m gonna be like him.”
Well, he came home from college just the other day, so much like a man I just had to say "Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?" He shook his head and said with a smile "What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys. See you later, can I have them please?"
I've long since retired, my son's moved away I called him up just the other day. I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind" He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time. You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad. It's been sure nice talking to you"And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me, he'd grown up just like me. My boy was just like me
Pretty powerful song for me as a Father. And I do NOT want to be sitting in my rocker at the end of my time here on earth realizing I was only a Dad, but never a Father.
I have seen some great examples of good Fathers in my short 30 some years on this earth. I’ve also seen some poor ones. I have a great earthly Father in my own Dad that, while he may have made some mistakes as well, he paved a very good path for me to follow. I also have a heavenly Father that has shown absolute and unconditional love and acceptance. Over the next while, months, years, whatever it takes. I want to dig deeper into what it takes to be a Father. I want to be a Father to my children that they can love, respect and enjoy to be around. I want my kids to look back on their childhood with fond memories. I never want them to feel like Dad was more in love with work, sports, whatever than them.
And that is the point of this blog. To discuss my experiences. To display good and bad examples. To hash out what if’s and how to’s. But most importantly, maybe I will be able to leave this blog to my sons for when it becomes their turn to be Fathers. And maybe what I’ve learned I will be able to pass along to them as well.
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