I spent over half of my life living under my own, earthly Father’s roof. I hope to write out a few quick examples of being a good father by what he demonstrated for the first 18 years of my life. Actually, that’s not accurate. While I lived in his house for 18 years, he’s still my father and is still demonstrating and leading by example by being my father, although it is in a different capacity to be sure.
My father became a Dad in April of 1976 when my older brother was born. I can’t tell you when he truly became a father, I may have to ask for his thoughts on this. Was he able to instantly figure things out? The picture of him smoking or my brother in his diapers trying to drink Dad’s leftover beer say otherwise. But, whenever it happened, I’m proud to say that he did figure it out, at least to a large extent.
Many people like to point to their Dad’s as the source of their current troubles. Daddy didn’t love me enough, Daddy didn’t spend enough time with me, whatever. And often, this is a very valid case. Rarely, however, do you see someone saying that they are who they are because of the good that their Dad did in their lives. My Dad was a positive influence on me. He is to “blame” for many of the good traits that I have grown into. Let me get into some of them below here.
First of all, my Dad was quiet and patient. I think I remember my Dad getting mad enough to really yell at me maybe once? It was rare for him to get upset enough about something that he would actually show his frustration audibly. His quiet, passive attitude sometimes drove me crazy. I recall a time while driving in Mexico that someone cut him off on our way home from church. He was obviously flustered, but all he said was “that…. dumb banana!” We all laughed about it then, but it is a great memory for me to think back to and realize that handling tense or annoying situations with anger and an attitude really doesn’t get me any further ahead.
Secondly, my Dad was a gentle man. Granted, I may have disagreed with such a statement when I was younger and he was bringing down his belt across my behind! But the fact is, Dad handled many situations as well as his interactions with others with a patience and gentleness about him. In the rare opportunities that I actually took to spend time working with him on a vehicle (something I have regretted not doing much, much more of while I had the chances), Dad would work with a calmness that I have envied to this day. My wife, and unfortunately my children, have been witness to me loosing control all too often when things don’t go the way I would like. If a bolt won’t come off, if I strip a screw, if I misalign a cut with a skill saw. Many times I have been guilty of letting the stress of the immediate situation get me down and I reacted. My Dad, however, rarely did, if ever. He calmly worked with the situation to the best of his ability. When things went south, he accepted it with gentleness. However, this trait was not only in dealing with inanimate objects, but also with people. His kids (there were 4 of us), his own parents, brothers and sister, other people and, most importantly, my Mom. This gentleness is something I have always strived to obtain more of in my life, and I hope I can one day obtain.
Finally, speaking of his dealings with my Mom, Dad’s obvious love and adoration towards her is something I have strived to model in my own married life. He made his wife his number one priority. Sorry, that’s not quite accurate. I suppose Mom was his number two priority after God and his relationship with Him. However, his treatment of her was an example for me to follow. Growing up, through High School, College and beyond, I always tried to treat women with chivalry. I would open doors, carry bags, offer coats, stand to offer a seat, etc. I take no credit for this attitude. Instead, in a world where such actions are quickly becoming fewer and further between, I can only say that it was the example of my own Father before me that taught me these values. I regret to say that since being married, I have failed to keep this level of respect and pampering of my own wife. Yes, I still will hold open the door for her, I will stand so she can sit and I will give her my jacket if she is cold. But, I still have become more complacent in my relationship, something that I know I need to be more focused on and ensuring that I do treat her like the queen she truly is! Another way that my Dad spoiled my Mom was in gifts. He brought home flowers from work. He got her special gifts of jewellery for her Birthdays, Christmas, etc. He took her out and got her away from the house for special dates, regardless of the occasion. Their anniversary was always a big deal. In doing so, he validated my Mom as a woman. She wasn’t just one of his “buddies”. She wasn’t on the same level as anyone else, she was above any other level as far as my Dad was concerned and I think she knew it. Do I treat my wife the same way? Not nearly enough.
Before I finish this blog, you may be wondering what exactly does the final statement have to do with being a Father? And I would venture to say it has everything to do with it. A son learns how to treat women properly in his life both by interacting with his own mother, as well as watching his father interact with his mother. Sure, there are cases where a boy can grow into an outstanding husband and father without any good or positive examples in his life, but these cases are exceedingly rare. Also, a daughter learns about proper love and attention both by what she receives from her own Father but also by being witness to how a Husband and Wife relationship works. For both sons and daughters, watching as well as receiving the love of their Father figure goes leaps and bounds in determining the directions and choices they will make when they are older and mature, trying to figure out life in this world we find ourselves in.
So, finally to conclude, I want to thank my Father, my Dad, on being a great example for me to look up to and to follow. Did you make mistakes? Sure. Are there things I may have changed? Maybe. But, considering the amount of training and preparation we receive in order to become Fathers (which is too often actually nil), I would say you did an excellent job. Thank you for your example. Thank you for you love. Thank you for not only teaching me about relationships with others here on earth, but for also modeling a great relationship with our heavenly Father.
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